3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
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put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
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My vagina is officially offended.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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