hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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