I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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