I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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