fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
