To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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