People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
