I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
