He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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