you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
