Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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