i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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