remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
