she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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