This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
