I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
