Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
