did you get engaged???
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
