my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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