Your mouth is God's brothel.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
