..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
