you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
