C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
there was a trapeze. enough said
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
