Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
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The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
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Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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