Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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