i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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