I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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