i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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