if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
