I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
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He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
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They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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