my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
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I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
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I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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