Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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