This is not my ceiling
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
