I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
