if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
These tits shall not be calmed
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
