Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
