worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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