she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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