Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
