my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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