I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just blew my weed a kiss
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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