I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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