i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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