This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
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I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
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if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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