omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
