she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
