I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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