he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
