Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
