I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
