Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
