When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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