is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I need to sanitize my soul.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
