Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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