Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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