Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
