I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
