he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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