remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
